Pass the Marmalade!
by Mignonne
Summary: A random one-shot which contains the following: Toasters, Yodeling, Ice fishing, a really random reference to Quest for Camelot, Shelinda, and, of course, marmalade.


I just felt like writing this. No real reason, just me having fun. This plot idea just kinda...came to me. A one shot kinda deal. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. If you don't...well, I guess that just sucks for you.

Special thanks to Kelsey Martin, my brainstorming buddy for this piece. She came up with the Yodeling bit and the part at the temple where...well, you'll see.

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Pass the Marmalade! 

A super neat one shot by the utterly inimitable Mignonne

Rin had always had a special affinity for toast. Especially if it was on rye bread and topped with orange marmalade on one half and apple butter on the other. That was the way his mother used to make it for him. Eating it gave him a warm fuzzy feeling, like he was a little Al Bhed again, with no pesky rival merchants to worry about.

He had just lost *more* customers to O'aka. Apparently, the buyers had thought he was too expensive and decided to take their business elsewhere. Which in Rin's mind, was a criminal offense. Those horrible people should be beaten senseless with a blunt object, preferably an iron, and left to die on the streets, preferably in Zanarkand, where they would be quickly eaten by large, scary fiends. Instead, they were paying less for the same goods that they had previously received. It was just plain wrong. Tomorrow, he'd probably wake up to find that O'aka had opened travel agencies as well.

So Rin, in an attempt to cool down, was making himself some toast. And it had taken a *long* time to find that rye bread, so he really wasn't too happy. 

'You deserve that bread, Rin! Every single bite of it!' The voice came from his left shoulder.

'Rin! That is *rare* rye bread! Share the wealth!' This came from his right shoulder, but he chose to ignore it.

He looked at the walls, searching for the plug (AN: Cause *all* Al Bhed airships have them, you know?). There! It was across the room, so Rin crossed over to it. No sooner than had he taken three steps...BANG! He turned around to see the toaster lying on the ground. 

He picked it up. It looked all right, aside from a few dents. So he pulled the table over to the socket and inserted the toaster's plug in the wall. He reached for his bread and started to insert it when-

"AAAAHHHH!!!"

'Dumbass,' came the surround sound declaration.

The toaster wasn't fine after all. Rin stood there, eyes wide with shock. Good thing there wasn't a mirror in sight or he probably would have dropped dead. The strong electric current had puffed his short hair so each strand stood sharply at attention.

'Serves you right for not sharing!'

"Oh, shut up," said Rin, swatting his right shoulder. He looked like he had a very strange nervous tic.

He inched over to the socket again, stepping tentatively on the cord to unplug the devil machina. He stood for a moment, puzzling over his situation. His toaster was the only one on the ship. In fact, there were only ten in the whole of Spira. Most people just used magic or fire (or fire magic!) to warm their bread. But Rin just didn't think that tasted as good. So that left him one option: getting his toaster fixed. And there was only one person on the ship who could do it.

***

"Rikku? I am in need of some assistance. You see, I have a problem with my toaster," Rin explained. Rikku was enthralled at the prospect of a project.

"Oooh! What happened?"

"I...uh...dropped it." Rikku looked scandalized.

"The same toaster your mom left you? How could you?" Rin just hung his head.

"I had no intention of breaking it."

"You *meant* to drop it?!"

"No, I mean I had no intention of dropping it, it just happened." The normally smooth talking Rin was beginning to loose his cool. He still hadn't gotten to eat his tasty rye bread, and breaking an important and rare family heirloom had not improved his mood. His mother was undoubtedly rolling in her grave.

Rikku snorted. "Sure. I believe you."

"*Please* help me. I sell defective items, not make them." At this rate, he would need alcohol to wash that rye down.

***

Rikku's brow furrowed in concentration. Rin's heirloom toaster was *not* in good shape. But she welcomed the challenge that it provided. She loved working with her hands, and this was a wonderful opportunity for her.

Rin sat across the table from her, watching her work. Her blonde hair gleamed, much like marmalade, in the artificial light of his rooms. They sat in this fashion for some time.

"There! All fixed!"

"Thank you." Rin regarded her carefully.

"Any time! But no more dropping it, okay?"

He nodded at her. "Alright. But only if you would be so kind as to stay for some toast." 

'Rin!' cried a little voice on his left shoulder, 'don't do it! Don't share your hard-won rye bread with anyone! Not even her!'

'But Rin, she fixed your toaster,' said the voice on his right shoulder, 'she deserves that bread more than you do.'

But Rin had already offered. And Rikku had accepted.

They plugged in the toaster and put the bread in. A funny smell wafted out.

"Ooopsies!" Rikku giggled nervously.

Rin sighed. "It's alright. I'm the one that dropped it, after all." 

The toast popped out. It was horribly burnt. Rin shook his head. 'What a waste,' he thought. He decided to eat it anyway, unwilling to waste his hard won bread. Yes, Rin definitely considered himself a breadwinner.

Rikku was much less enthusiastic about eating badly burned bread.

"Uh...I think I'll pass. Wouldn't want to eat all your bread, you know?" The unseen figure on Rin's left shoulder did a happy dance.

'Ha! Now you *don't* have to share your bread with anyone!'

But the figure on his right shoulder refused to leave it at that. 'You need to do something to repay her, Rin.'

"But what can I do?" the merchant muttered.

"You say something?" asked Rikku.

"Um...I was...uh..." Think fast Rin, think fast. "I was wondering if you would like to go yodeling on Mt. Gagazet with me. I've always wanted to, and I thought you might like to come along."

Rikku was a little taken aback at the surprise offer. "Uh, sure," she said, though she didn't sound very sure at all.

***

Yodeling was fun, Rikku decided. Doing it well involved lots of effort and some diaphragm thing (AN: I know *nothing* about yodeling. I'm going from what I know about music in general. The diaphragm is goooood.) Next to her, Rin, who was a seasoned professional, was yodeling away. She almost had to cover her ears it was so loud. She was wincing and had her eyes closed. When she opened them, she found a Ronso standing in front of them. A large, angry looking, female Ronso wielding a waffle iron. What was the problem with Rikku, Rin, and kitchen utensils today?

"Nitram Yeslek mad at stupid singers. Stupid singers make avalanche. Avalanche make mess. Nitram Yeslek have no home."

"Ooopsies."

There was an unspoken and unanimous decision to run for it made at that point. And both did, although on the way, their hands seemed to find each other.

***

So they decided to go ice fishing in Macalania (AN: Despite the fact that the lake doesn't seem to have any water...). They sat comfortably together on the ice, holding their fishing poles. Well, Rin was not so comfortable, because he was watching the way Rikku was holding her rod. She was playing with the end. Rin hoped he wouldn't have to stand up any time soon.

Suddenly, a man appeared on the horizon. He was holding a stick and had a bird on his shoulder. "What's that Aidan?" he asked the bird, "you say we're in the wrong fandom? I thought it was a little cold." Then, he turned and disappeared into a plot hole.

"What the fuck was that?" asked Rin.

"Don't ask me," said Rikku. Then suddenly... "I got something!"

"Pull it up gently," said Rin, trying not to look at how her grip on the rod tightened. She gradually brought her catch to the surface.

"What...is that?"

"It looks like a sponge," replied Rin.

"Wearing pants?" 

Rin shrugged. "Throw it back," he suggested. 

Rikku complied, stating, "Macalania really creeps me out, you know?"

"I think it might be an appropriate time for us to make our departure." Rikku nodded in agreement.

They got up (Rin was *very* thankful for his long jacket) and headed toward the temple, where the airship was going to pick them up. Unfortunately, it was late. So they stood there. And stood there. And stood there.

"I'm cold," complained Rikku.

"And I have to use the facilities. Do temples have them?" Rin asked her. She shrugged. He *really* had to go. "Rikku?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you stand watch for me? I'm going in that corner over there." She nodded.

"Sure!"

Rin walked over and unzipped his pants. He glanced at Rikku, who was watching intently.

"What are you looking at?" he demanded.

"You told me to keep watch," she replied.

"Not on me! Look the other way!"

"O-K. Whatever you say." And she turned around. Rin relieved himself unwatched...or so he thought.

"What are you doing?" Rin looked up to see Shelinda, looking aghast. "You could have asked to use our bathrooms, you know."

"I am sorry," said Rin, while thinking of ways in which to kill Rikku. "I wasn't aware you had a bathroom." 

*1) Strangulation.*

The airship arrived at this moment, saving him from any further questioning. Once on board, Rin turned to Rikku.

"I told you to keep watch!" 

*2) Electrocution by household appliance, preferably toaster.*

"You told me to look the other way!" 

*3) Decapitation.*

"You should have heard her!" 

*4) Choking on a marshmallow peep.*

"So should you!" 

*5) Being beaten with a blunt object. Repeatedly. For several days.*

"Do you want to go to Bikanel?"

"Sounds great."

***

'Damn, she looks *hot* in a bathing suit,' said the voice on Rin's left shoulder.

'She's wearing the same thing she always does,' said the voice on his right.

"It doesn't matter *what* she's wearing," said Rin. "She looks good."

And for once, all three of them were in agreement. Rin took a sip of his piña colada. O'aka might have more business, but he had nothing on Rin in any other aspect. Life? Yeah, it was good. Better than rye bread with marmalade and apple butter any day.

Fin.

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Yeah, I wrote a Rinku. Rinku, Aurikku, it doesn't matter to me, as long as it's a good fic. I'm don't really feel strongly one way or the other. And this gives me a chance to play outside of the set parameters of You Better You Bet (though I'm loving playing *in* them too). Cause hey, if you get right down to it, all Rikku and Auron really have in common are two letters in their names. Rin and Rikku do too (and they're both alive!), making them just as, if not more, plausible a coupling. I just write what my muse tells me to...

Muse: Work, bitch!

Besides, would this plot idea really have worked with Auron? I didn't think so.

By the way, thanks for the idea SpazKit...I think I may be on a one shot kick, and a fic about Rikku on speed sounds mighty tempting...(wicked, wicked grin) There may also be a fic about Tidus in Zanarkand in the works, but we'll have to see. ^_-

So yeah, I had fun writing this. I hope you had fun reading it. So review, or I'll sic my muse on you (and believe me, you *don't* want that!). Don't make her kick your ass!

(Sigh) Off to bed...I've got tests in both AP Chem and Physics tomorrow, and I haven't studied for either. Another shitty Friday for me.


End file.
